[Spoken intro:] Uh, this next song is a, uh… a nonsense… a kind of nonsense song. It's — I'll give you a quick rundown — It's about a bishop and his wife and this violin player in West Virginia. It's about how their daughter lost her mother to mathematics out on a business trip in Detroit [crowd laughs]. Um, it's about a… it has a Top 40 hook part [crowd laughs] that, that, that if, if everybody — if we knew the words we could sing, everybody could sing to it [crowd laughs]. Ah, about pancakes and this guy named Muskrat in — who lives in Richmond, Virginia, who I met when I was playing down there, he plays saxophone. Ah, it's about uh… James Garner and then he — when he was very popular years ago in his part-Brit-Bret Maverick TV shows [crowd laughs]. And it was a well known Hollywood secret that he had an affair with a mad woman with one eye [crowd laughs]. Uh, uh… it's about uh… it's about uh… oh, it's about this little boy who told his father that the Indians are still in the woods, only nobody sees them [crowd laughs]. And uh… it's about sexual pathos of elderly choir boys in uh… Butte, Montana. You know, it's uh — where everybody with the band, and we, we go around all these places and like our big thrill is we copy accents and we go like, "where were we, where were we last week? Chicago, Chicago." And that's nutty, it's like Chicago's like a big, one big hit town, you know. And it was nice though.
Bishop danced with a thumbscrew woman
Did a double-quick back flip and slid across the floor
The Catholic traffic flowed freely across the river
And fiddlestick fiddled quick out the front door
All right
Oh, baby dumpling, mama's in the back tree
If the bow breaks, mama might fall
Little sad and only, baby don't be lonely
Oh, mama knows arithmetic, knows how to take a fall
Mama knows arithmetic, knows how to take a fall
And the kids are crying, "Flapjacks, make 'em fat, early in the morning"
Little Jack, grab your hat, hear the breakfast call
Muskrat, bat a cat, kick him in the fireplace
There's someone in the kitchen blowing "Dinah" on their horn
There's someone in the kitchen blowing "Dinah" like they're born
Well, maverick daddy got a one-eyed bride
She glides like a monkey-mule kicking on the back slide
Over hill, over hill, daddy don't you spill now
Papa got a switch stick, he's pumping little Bill
Papa got a switch stick, he's pumping little Bill
And Billy he's crying, "Tomahawk, tomahawk, daddy better duck now"
The Mohawks, the Mohawks, they're still out there in the woods
Monatuk, Ocanuk, running through my dreams now
With fire on their fingertips and engine screams
Fire on their fingertips and feathers made of moonbeams
[Spoken:] Get funky!
[Spoken:] Alright, perfect!
[Spoken:] Danny Federici, ladies and gentlemen
Well, early in the morning the cannoneer cried
"I seen the sailor's warning in the western sky"
Well, mountain man, if you can, cut me down a fir tree
Branches full of candlesticks for baby and me
And my darling cried, she said, "Honey, the weathervane lately it's been pointing the way to heaven"
Scatterbrains, scatterbrains, watch out where you fall
Champagne, champagne, a round for all the old choir boys
They're busting off the altar chasing Dinah through the hall
They're busting off the altar chasing Dinah through the hall
And like kids they're crying, "Flapjacks, make 'em fat, early in the morning"
Little Jack, grab your hat, hear the breakfast call
Muskrat, bat a cat, kick him in the fireplace
There's someone in the kitchen blowing "Dinah" on their horn
There's someone in the kitchen blowing "Dinah" like they're born
[Spoken:] ???
